We are all familiar with the children's book where the main character Max has one of those days where nothing seems to go right. At this moment in our lives many of us are going through this, but in a Groundhog Day fashion. All of our normal habits and rituals are all skewed. Humans, like most animals, are creatures of habit so this has been a big challenge. Understandably so! As the world changes and evolves animals usually follow suit. The thing is, this evolution happens over time allowing animals to adapt. The year 2020 tuned into a warp speed version of this...yet we humans are not able to adapt at warp speed. This is leading most of us to feel imbalanced. There is always positive in change. But try spinning around and around then focus on something you love. That positive thing you love is blurred for a few seconds. 2020 has spun our heads so fast it is difficult to stay upbeat all the time.
Our household has been no different. There is so much good surrounding us. We are lucky in that my husband has a job that is essential so he has maintained his job. He is a pharmacy technician. He has health insurance and paid sick leave if needed. Because of this and the help of family our cupboards have stayed stocked. We have clothes on our backs and shoes on our feet. We obviously have access to the internet as I write this blog. We have two working vehicles. We have a home we are not at risk of losing. We have three church communities to rely on, one of which is my son's school. He attends a private Christian school we are able to pay for through tuition assistance. And to top it off, his school is prepared and ready for the new school year. How blessed can we be?
Just like everyone else, we have all been sent into a whirlwind. Most days are good. We have found a new normal(ish). Since I am high risk I am really not able to get out much. COVID-19 is not a fight I want to be a participant in. My son stays home with me most of the time. Although he is 14, his autism keeps his maturity level a little low so he still needs more attention. My husband works at a grocery store pharmacy so he picks up groceries. What he cannot get there my parents get through an app that allows curbside pickup. We don't always get our preferred brands of stuff or all items we need. Nonetheless, we are still well taken care of. But in all reality it is driving me bonkers!
I am a typical Type A personality, an introvert, and very independent. For decades I have been running my own errands, getting my own groceries, cleaning my own house, and so on. COVID has brought most of that to a halt. My acrobatics that broke two bones in my foot on Mother's Day made sure to top that list off. If I were the one going to the store and not being able to get a certain product it would be irritating but ok. When someone else can't find something I feel like if I had just gone I would've found it. Intellectually I know that is most likely not the case, but my controlling ways tells me it is. In comes the balancing act of making sure my frustration and anger are directed at the situation NOT the other person. I am not always good at that, but I am good at correcting myself when I realize I overreacted. So, where do those negative feelings go?
In view of the fact that I am an introvert, I struggle to really open up. I might share some surface stuff, but the real issues stay locked inside in a vault. Blogging helps give me an outlet. It is similar to journaling, yet the world can view it. It seems counter-intuitive. The thing is, I have a goal in mind. I am journaling outwardly to help people who are like me. When I was struggling so bad in my twenties with unrecognizable diseases and emotions I had no one to look to so I could tell myself "see, they got through it". That's what I am doing. I intend to compile this all into a book, but in the meantime the mission of my writings needs to be available to whomever needs it right now. So, it acts as a multi-tool. It is an outlet for me and a window for others.
I think it is important to talk about mental health. It has always been an important issue that is getting more and more attention in the past several years. Like most things in 2020, it has hit warp speed and we all need to recognize it. I personally struggle with social and generalized anxiety, PTSD, and depression. That is really the first time I have openly admitted that in full. The thing is, it is real. Just like I take insulin and exercise to help control diabetes, I need to take steps to control my mental health as well. This year has really tested me....and continues. My best coping skill is putting things into perspective. "Where do I fit in all of this?"
I cannot take anti-depressants. I have tried and tried, but the side effects are not worth it to me. Even on small doses I feel numb. I don't want to feel numb. It takes the joy out of life. I do have some medication for situational or acute anxiety, but I avoid those as much as possible because addiction happens quickly. Another fight I am not willing to partake in. A scientific note, most "feel good" hormones come from your gut. You would think they are in your brain exclusively. Not the case. Could my aversion to anti-depressants be due to my gut not working properly? Good possibility. But medication is not always the answer. Validation and acknowledgement is where it starts. Eliminating the stigma and accepting someone fully. Perfection is a word, not reality.
I ran into someone yesterday who bravely disclosed to me that he had been suicidal for 12 years. The thing that pulled him out of it was the word of God and he returns to that more and more now as the pressure is on. The word of God is not for everyone, just like medication. I have known others who simply started exercising more consistently and it pulled them out of a hole. Exercise induces endorphines which your brain loovves! I also know several family members who rely on talk therapy. All of these avenues are being used at remarkable rates during the pandemic. I ask where I fit into all of this and the answer is right here.
I have no answer to solving the world's problems. I have no magic trick to calm everyone's psyche. What I do have to offer is an open door. I can empathize with those struggling. I can tell you, the struggle is real. The positive in all of this is that we do still have choices. We feel stuck or paralyzed, but we're not. We are all like snowflakes. No two are alike. What works for one of us will not work for all of us. But you do have to try. I am a layman. I can only speak from my own experiences. I have highlighted some good tools that can be used when nothing else works; medication, therapy, exercise, a higher power. None of this works without coping skills, though.
I could write for days on this topic. So, to wrap it up I just want to say, be self-compassionate. Do not beat yourself up. We are all struggling. Find a creative outlet to grasp onto. Try adult coloring, learn a new skill, craft, DIY, write poems or songs, journal, watch or read the funny things, get dressed up, you do you. Keep yourself informed, but do not watch or read every news brief that comes out. Take a beat when you are in a tough situation. Try to name your emotion whether it be frustration, anger, sadness, panic, etc. What got you there? This way you can direct that emotion in the right place and calm it. I cannot direct my negative emotions at the pandemic because it is not tangible, but I can let those around me know what I am upset about. This prevents them from internalizing my negativity. I am not always mad at my husband, but he is there which makes him an easy target. When I tell him I am upset at the situation, he knows I am not taking things out on him. This is not easy. Practice makes progress. Remember, perfection is just a useless word.
When you have an awful, terrible, no good, very bad day just stop. All it takes is three seconds to shift your processing. If you take those three seconds, maybe make it 30, you can find something good to focus on. When you focus on the good, the good gets better. I told my son today "It is like looking at a beautiful tree with a broken branch. Don't focus on the broken branch, acknowledge it. But focus on the beautiful tree." It is much easier to say than to do, especially when the negative you are facing is something as terrible as losing your home. In those tough situations acknowledge it is hard and emotionally unbearable, but what good do you have at that moment you can focus on. Maybe it is just a simple "hello" from someone walking by. As tiny as that seems, it is good. A building is built from bricks or wood, not as a whole but in small pieces put together in such a way it provides shelter. Continue to collect the bricks of the good you see around you so you can provide shelter from the struggles you need to overcome. I don't care who you are, you are a champion in your own right. Dig deep. If you need to, comment on this post and I can reach out to you personally and privately. Again, I am no professional, but I have two ears for listening, two eyes for reading, two arms for hugging (when that's allowed again), and tons of empathy and compassion.
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